New Vision About Identity

Original Paper

Who I am is Who I Choose to Be

Identity- How is it formed? What has such a great influence over how we become who we are? I found myself transported to a different time and place in my own life while pondering these questions. Considering who I am today, who I was 5 years ago, ten years ago, even fifteen years ago was an exercise in self-reflection. While determining how it is that I’ve become the person that people meet today, I found that it isn’t something that just happened overnight. It has been a work in progress and is something that changes and adapts each day. One’s identity (including my own) is constantly evolving and is the culmination of personal choices and life experience. This is proven not only by my own life experiences but also supported by the literary works of Emily White and Lucy Grealy.

 Growing up can be a very uncomfortable and sometimes painful experience, especially for those individuals that may not look a certain way or have the same social standing as those around them. These differences can be internalized by individuals causing them to make choices (whether consciously or subconsciously) about their identity and their standing in the world around them. This is supported by Grealy when she states, “I had the capacity of imagination to momentarily escape my own pain, and I had the elegance of imagination to teach myself something true regarding the world around me, but I didn’t yet have the clarity of imagination to grant myself the complicated and necessary right to suffer.” (70). She further states, “I thought I simply had to accept the fact that I was ugly, and that to feel despair about it was simply wrong.” (70). This is a very sad statement regarding how Grealy chose to deal with her facial scars. Resigning herself to simply accept that she was ugly was a decision that would forever play a key role in her identity as she grew towards adulthood. I was fortunate enough to not be identified solely by my looks because there wasn’t anything that distinguished me from those around me. I was your average everyday girl that didn’t stick out yet didn’t fade into the background either.

 Similar to what White experienced while she was observing at Calhoun High School, I found myself feeling anxious and being transported to that unsure time in my life that is called High School. The following excerpt from White’s writing holds true for me and highlights exactly what I experienced while in high school. “The cafeteria is high school’s proving ground. It’s one of the most unavoidable and important thresholds, the place where you find out if you have friends or if you don’t. The cafeteria is the place where forms of human sacrifice occur, the merciless rituals of cruelty on which the kids thrive.” (White 15) I made the personal choice while in high school to fight back against the theory that if I didn’t have the “right” lunch I wasn’t cool, or good enough to be considered popular. I chose to make the most of what I was given, whether it was the good lunch or the bad, and made new friends and extended the olive branch often times to those that would be considered out of bounds to the tribe that I typically ran with. To this day, I will stick my neck out and try my very best to make people feel comfortable regardless of what social setting I am in.

 During the magical period after high school and before “real life” begins, there was a time in my life when I thought that I had it all figured out and that the choices that I had made truly defined who I was. I had a job but it wasn’t paying the best and I wanted more. I had a boyfriend who in my mind was the world’s greatest man and I was in love. I was invincible and anyone that interacted with me at that time would have said I was completely oblivious to what was going on in the world outside of the one that I had created. As such, I made very poor choices because I knew it all. There wasn’t anyone that could tell me what to do, how to do it or when to do it. In the fall, immediately following my high school graduation, I began attending Everett Community College on a scholarship that I had received based on my academic excellence in high school. It seemed to me that I had life figured out and I made the choice to only attend classes when I felt like it, to make an appearance only once or twice a week and because I was untouchable I thought this should be acceptable to everyone around me.

 I received a painful reality check when the postman delivered a letter from the President of Student Services informing me that I was no longer able to come back to Everett Community College and should I ever decide to get my affairs in order and re-enroll I would need to be granted a special exception. At that moment, it didn’t matter; however, fifteen years later, when attempting to register for classes I couldn’t. The choices I made when I was 17 have had an ongoing, profound impact on my life. It was very humbling to have to speak with the Vice-President of Student Services and beg to be allowed back into school. Those choices, made so many years ago, continue to shape and define who I am to this day.

 Personal relationships and decisions made while interacting with other individuals also will help to shape someone’s identity, possibly on a daily basis. Too many times people put too much emphasis on the importance of having a significant other in their lives to help define them or identify them. Julie, the subject in Alexandra Robbins, The Overachievers, had broken up with her boyfriend the day before school had started. She writes, “Julie had put so much effort into having a boyfriend, and abruptly, he was gone. Now she was back where she started, and completely uninterested in thinking about someone new…” Unfortunately, those friendships, love stories and affairs that end negatively or on a sour note have a heavier impact on how a person chooses to move forward with their lives and how they will present themselves in the next relationship that comes their way. For me, I have very strong memories of past relationships and use the choices I made during those times of my life to protect myself now. I reflect heavily on the decisions that were made and why I made them. This allows me to shape the person I want to be when presented with a new endeavor or relationship possibility.

 I loved my ex-husband with all of my heart and believed with every ounce of my soul that when I said “I do” that it was something that signified forever to include good times and bad. I tolerated so much abuse from him and after my daughter was born I made the choice to ask him to leave. I did not want her to identify her mom as someone that tolerated abuse, or accepted unhappiness as normal. This decision not only shaped my life six years ago, but continues to play a huge role in my identity to this day. It helped me to see that being a tolerant person is completely different than being ignorant for the sake of someone else’s happiness. I have made the decision to be happy for me, for my girls and for those around me.

Today, I am a mom, a Girl Scout leader, a student and an all around happy person. I am this person as a direct result of choices that I have made and will continue to make as I grow older. I am me, Angela Kristine Jenkins, and no one can take that away from me unless I allow them to do so. Looking to the future, I will continue to be all of these things and more, an active part of the working world, an asset to my community and an excellent role model for my daughters. This is what I choose to do and this is what identifies me.

Works Cited

White, Emily “High School’s Secret Life” Remix Boston, MA. Bedford/St. Martins 2010

Grealy, Lucy “Masks” Remix Boston, MA. Bedford/St. Martins 2010

Robbins, Alexandra “The Overachievers” Remix Boston, MA. Bedford/St. Martins 2010


Revised Identity Paper

Identity is a Personal Choice

A person’s identity is constantly evolving and is the culmination of personal choices and life experience. Many people are faced with tough obstacles and challenges as they grow and how they face these challenges helps to create and define who they are as a person. Additionally, many people choose to identify themselves with those around them and take a piece of each person with them when they move onto the next phase of their lives.

Growing up can be a very uncomfortable and sometimes painful experience, especially for those individuals that may not look a certain way or have the same social standing as those around them. These differences can be internalized by individuals causing them to make choices (whether consciously or subconsciously) about their identity and their standing in the world around them. This is supported by Lucy Grealy when she states in her essay “Masks”, “I had the capacity of imagination to momentarily escape my own pain, and I had the elegance of imagination to teach myself something true regarding the world around me, but I didn’t yet have the clarity of imagination to grant myself the complicated and necessary right to suffer” (70). She further states, “I thought I simply had to accept the fact that I was ugly, and that to feel despair about it was simply wrong” (70). This statement, while very sad, speaks volumes about the choice she made regarding how she chose to deal with her facial scars. Resigning herself to simply accept that she was ugly was a decision that would forever play a key role in her identity as she grew towards adulthood.

Emily White, while observing at Calhoun High School, found herself feeling very anxious and nervous about what she was watching unfold before her in the cafeteria of at lunch time. The following excerpt from White’s essay, “High School’s Secret Life”, explains how something as simple as being assigned the wrong lunch break can have a huge impact on one’s identity, “The cafeteria is high school’s proving ground. It’s one of the most unavoidable and important thresholds, the place where you find out if you have friends or if you don’t. The cafeteria is the place where forms of human sacrifice occur, the merciless rituals of cruelty on which the kids thrive” (15). For myself, while attending high school, I made the personal choice to fight back against the theory that if I didn’t have the “right” lunch I wasn’t cool, or good enough to be considered popular. I chose to make the most of what I was given, whether it was the good lunch or the bad, and made new friends even if it was with those individuals that would be considered out of bounds to the tribe that I typically ran with.

For many people, there is a period in their lives when they believe that they are grown up and have the world figured out. It is during this magical time after high school and before “real life” begins, that many people will make choices that help to define who they become as adults. Most have jobs and are considering what to do next, whether it is attend college, find a better paying job or continue doing what they are currently doing. Personally, I had a job but it wasn’t paying the best and I wanted more. In the fall, immediately following my high school graduation, I began attending Everett Community College on a scholarship that I had received based on my academic excellence in high school. This was a personal choice for me and at that moment in time defined who I was, a full time college student. Not only was that how I identified myself but also how others around me would think of me.

Personal relationships and decisions made while interacting with other individuals also will help to shape someone’s identity, possibly on a daily basis. Too many times people put too much emphasis on the importance of having a significant other in their lives to help define them or identify them. Julie, the subject in Alexandra Robbins, The Overachievers, had broken up with her boyfriend the day before school had started. She writes, “Julie had put so much effort into having a boyfriend, and abruptly, he was gone. Now she was back where she started, and completely uninterested in thinking about someone new…” Unfortunately, those friendships, love stories and affairs that end negatively or on a sour note have a heavier impact on how a person chooses to move forward with their lives and how they will present themselves in the next relationship that comes their way.

I loved my ex-husband with all of my heart and believed with every ounce of my soul that when I said “I do” that it was something that signified forever to include good times and bad. I tolerated so much abuse from him and after my daughter was born I made the choice to ask him to leave. I did not want her to identify her mom as someone that tolerated abuse, or accepted unhappiness as normal. This decision not only shaped my life six years ago, but continues to play a huge role in my identity to this day. It helped me to see that being a tolerant person is completely different than being ignorant for the sake of someone else’s happiness. I have made the decision to be happy for me, for my girls and for those around me.

Society creates stereotypes and ideals of who the perfect person is. From the day we are born, we begin to form our identities. Every day, people’s personalities and identities evolve and reshape based on personal decisions that are made not solely because of their cultures or their family roots. Today, I am a mom, a Girl Scout leader, a student and an all around happy person. Everyone has the ability to choose what type of person they want to be and the impression they will leave with others they come in contact with.

Works Cited

White, Emily “High School’s Secret Life” Remix Boston, MA. Bedford/St. Martins 2010

Grealy, Lucy “Masks” Remix Boston, MA. Bedford/St. Martins 2010

Robbins, Alexandra “The Overachievers” Remix Boston, MA. Bedford/St. Martins 2010